The difference between a good relationship and a bad relationship is not measured by the number of conflicts that arise between us, but by our ability to resolve them without leaving injuries along the way.
Holy Land Man, using the sacred code2GOD of the original Bible prepared the world's most challenging premarital test.
Conflicts between spouses are inevitable, and every day there is some matter that we do not agree on. We do not agree on the education of the children, we do not agree on a fair division of tasks, we do not agree on the use of our private time, and more and more without end, and there is no day that begins and ends without some conflict.
This is how it is for both happy and unhappy couples, and the difference between a good relationship and a bad relationship is not measured by the number of conflicts that arise between them.
The difference between a good relationship and a bad relationship is measured by our ability to resolve conflicts quickly and efficiently, without leaving us wounded along the way, and in a way that everyone will feel that their side is also taken into account.
So what do happy spouses know about resolving conflicts that unhappy spouses do not know? Only one thing: look for a solution that ensures satisfaction for both parties.
If there are so many couples around us who are unable to live in peace, the reason is that they do not know how to resolve conflicts in a way that both will benefit.
Conflict is a meeting between spouses who each want something different, and in such an encounter the spouses have two options:
#1 – The possibility of “edge talk”: the two position themselves opposite each other at their own end, and like grabbing a rope in a game of tug of war, each tries to pull the solution to their own side. It's the struggling model of either you or I, my position or your position, or what I want or what you want. In this power struggle there are always only two losers, and only this power struggle almost all of us know.
#2 – The possibility of a “round discourse”: the two do not place themselves in front of each other but next to each other, and they do not intend to end the discourse with two losers but with two winners, even if neither party gets everything they want, each of them will get what is most important to him.
In around discourse the “either you or I” approach is replaced by the “both me and you” approach: both my position and your position, both what you want and what the other wants. Neither get up from the table before there is an answer that satisfies the two.
How do you do that? Couples therapy shows you a different approach and thought: instead of everyone being their own advocate and fighting for their own interests, each of them commits themselves to the other side's advocacy to fight for the other's interests.
Yes, you heard that right: swapping roles, and everyone finds themselves speaking for the other instead of for themselves:
At first, you will find that it is very difficult to protect your partner because you are used to seeing them as an enemy, but couples therapy helps you discover that conflicts can be managed and resolved without shouting and without insults, in a playful and amusing spirit. Gradually, you will find that the circular dynamics expand from the conflict resolution to all the communication between you.
Holy Land Man is known to solve married couples' problems in a playful way and in untraditionally.
You can be sure that this is not what you think: it is not because of infidelity, a lack of communication, or a lack of intimacy. Although each of these reasons certainly has a huge weight in the statistics of separations and divorces. The common reason for marital separation is different: our refusal to accept the fact that each of us lives with a spouse who is a flesh-and-blood person, and that none of us lives with an angel from heaven. That is, none of us live with a perfect person.
And that means each of us lives with someone who is sometimes wrong, sometimes wrong, sometimes fails, sometimes angry, sometimes opens his mouth too big, sometimes too similar to his mother. And all of these come in one package together with each spouse, just as we ourselves have no such small package.
And here's the point of these things: we're sure it's fine that we come with a package of complaints and bitterness and tears and ugly words because we're human, whereas our partner has no such right because he's always supposed to accept us, both when we laugh and when we're sour.
What if he does not fulfill the role of an angelic spouse, and he also reveals his negative or aggressive or critical side? So we have of course full justification to be angry at him. And what if we show our negative or aggressive or critical side? Does he also have a right to be angry with us? Of course not, because we are allowed to be flesh-and-blood human beings with weaknesses and shortcomings.
Holy Land Man is known to solve married couples problems in a challenging way and in an untraditionally. He relies on the sacred code2GOD.
That is, we do not forgive our spouse when he does things that sometimes every flesh and blood person does, and we completely forgive ourselves when we do the same deeds. We are angry at him when he erupts, when he swears, and when he ignores, but to ourselves, we are allowed free to burst and curse and hurt and ignore.
So where does this dual morality come from? From our perception, it is permissible to be with all the weaknesses of flesh and blood, and our spouse must not be tired, lazy, or irritated when we need him at his best.
But a person needs to be made of heavenly matter to be patient even when we annoy him, and to be attentive even when we blame and condemn him, and to be willing to help and support even when we underestimate what he is doing. And if we are angry with him or he is angry with us, it is because each expects the other to be made of angelic material, while each allows himself to be just flesh and blood.
You can be sure that our relationship will be much more pleasant if each of us remembers that his partner is flesh and blood, so he is sometimes impatient, sometimes tired, sometimes not interested, sometimes not attentive, sometimes prefers to be alone or meet with friends, sometimes does not want to visit our parents, and that in no way means that something is wrong with him, that he needs care, or that we need to think about parting.
To be truly good friends each of us needs to do only one thing: to allow the other to be flesh and blood with all the weaknesses of flesh and blood, with all the negative emotions and thoughts and negative actions of flesh and blood. Just as each of us allows himself.
Then redemption will come to our cloud, for both of us will sometimes be allowed to be hurt or hurt, and we will both be allowed to be sometimes petty and considerate, and we will both be allowed to sometimes go out of our way or say shocking things.
And as long as we remember that in our house live only human beings flesh and blood, we can simply remind each other that in this house no one is made of angelic material. Holy Land Man, using the sacred code2GOD of the original Bible prepared the world's most challenging premarital test.
a union representing a special kind of social and legal partnership between two people. Some religions consider marriage a sacrament. conjugality, connubiality, match, matrimony, wedlock. monogamy
bigamy, polyandry, polygamy, polygyny
intermarriage, miscegenation, mixed marriage, remarriage
cohabitation, common-law marriage
civil union, domestic partnership
attachment, commitment, relationship
betrothal, engagement, espousal, hand, pledge, promise, proposal, troth. annulment, divorce, separation. Bridal, espousal, nuptial(s), wedding.